……been too long

WOW…its been exactly a year and three months since I last posted anything on my blog. Personally, I feel this is unpardonable, the question of my laziness has never been debated by myself or those who really know me but I just really can not forgive myself for this lapse.

So many things I’ve missed writing about, where do I even start from? For someone as dynamic as myself, you can’t begin to imagine the vital details of my memoirs that I’ve neglected documenting in the past year…..I mean, need I really say it that a looooooooooooooot has happened in this past year.

Lets start with my elusive dissertation, I just went through my old posts and it suddenly occurred to me just how worried I was back then about completing my dissertation on time. I was sooo ditracted though, jeez, my life was very interesting then wasn’t it? Anyways, I did finish and with flying colours too, although, in typical leo fashion, I almost missed the deadline! So dissertation completed, I did graduate last year too, had a big party to celebrate that as I never had a graduation party for my first degree.

Its always interesting reading your older posts isn’t it? maybe its just me but I felt like I was reading about myself from a different era….I have CHANGED soo much! But then, change IS the only constant thing in life isn’t it? I feel a bit more grown up now, not so cheesy or naive as I was (maybe still just a tad bit childish) but can’t help that.

I did also get a job last year, not my dream job I might add, but it pays the bills (hmm hmm, yeah, its like that). Funny how selfish and greedy one can get, now I’m in the process of looking for a job AGAIN??? is it just co-incidence or how come the last time I was seriously blogging, I was job hunting as well? My current job is quite interesting, still not conventional but not as crazy as my fellas at the sales company (refer to old post).  Its also very time consuming, which is partially responsible for my not being able to blog for so long, by the time I’m home, I’m so kanckered that I just wanna jump straight into bed. I’ve got a blackberry now though, and I’ll see how convenient it is to blog with that instead of relying on my laptop all the time.

I have sooo outgrown facebook now! I dont know if that counts as growing up or just cos I’ve become so busy that I literally dont have a social life anymore (and I thought Uni was challenging)..ugh! I cant believe just how much time I used to spend on facebook last year, I cant deny it was a lot of fun too….but I’ve lost the drive now. Most of my friends seem to have grown out of it now as well. I still get updates about status updates and photos on my phone, I just dont respond or make my presence known as much anymore…i guess you could just say I snoop around more.

I guess most people have made the transition from facebook to twitter now…but I get so sick and tired of all these techy advancements sometimes that I want to stop time where it is at present to slow down the pace. Remember the Hi5 era? That was the place to be then in terms of social networking, then My Space and then facebook came along and it was goodbye to Hi5. Now its twitter and not just twitter, there’s also Bebo and all such so and so’s. Frankly, I cant be bothered anymore cos its only a matter of time before someone comes up with another social networking site and then there’ld be another mass exodus to the reigning champion……ok enough about that…i think I sound like a grumpy old mum!

I also have been dating (uh yeah)…..its getting pretty serious too and fingers crossed, this is looking likely to be ‘the one’  by God’s grace. Its been a lot of hardwork I have to say. My boyfriend is 12 years older than myself and being the kind of person I am (mouthy, headstrong, stubborn, opinionated) its taken a while for the poor bloke to understand me. I think with older men, they do tend to treat you like their kids sisters or daughters and if you’re the gentle and peace loving kinda girl, I guess it would be smooth sailing but you see…..yours truly is not quite that straight forward.

Anyways, I’ll save the details of our ups and downs for another day, we’re good and solid now….and after a year, I think I can confidently say that I am in love yeah….love, maybe not in the crazy, can’t breathe or eat without him kinda way but I am happy and content.

Enough about me, last year was quite a stormy year wasn’t it? Still can’t believe Michael Jackson is dead…I didnt even know how much I loved the guy until he died. I know not everyone shares my sentiments, but despite all the bad publicity, I just couldnt bring myself to loathe him…I’m sorry! I felt like I’d lost a close friend that I never knew if that makes any sense…I’m sure it doesn’t but ……anyways, I think the world lost a real gem there.

And the global recession….ah….lets not even go there!

Right now, it’s the British weather thats making a lot of waves in the media. When I was a kid, I used to lurv snow! Maybe because I was born and grew up in the tropics and just seeing the white substance in hollywood movies, was simply awesome. Now I have seen snow, felt it and its impact and I’m dissapointed i’m saying this but one day of snow…great! several days however, is a no no. I personally dont react well to cold and prolonged cold snaps dont do me any good as you can imagine. I’ve  had to go to work in this horrible weather, and since I still dont drive yet (more on that later) I have to stand at the train/bus station for several minutes and even walked home on one particular day.

Now I’ve got chilblains….had never even heard of the word until 4 days ago when I couldnt feel my toes and then the poor things became sore and extremely itchy….I was in agony for God’s sake and I’ve still got it too….sob!

The good thing about the weather though is the hats people have been wearing…lol. I read something about that in Metro but didnt quite get it until lately……man,, are there funny hats in London or what….some of the styles just simply crack me up!

There’s forecast for more snow as well, what kind of shoes are best for walking in the darn thing, especially when it turns to ice? I’ve tried trainers, timberland boots (which aided the chilblains by the way) and leather boots. They all still seem to slip anyways, dont want to end up breaking a bone or loosing a tooth in addition to limping at the moment.

I havent looked up yet, but I’m sure I’ve written the equivalent of  4 chapters by now…phew! I HAVE  missed writing and I promise I’ll make more of an effort to do so (ok, I know i say that all the time).

I can’t possibly fit in a year into one post so I will try (emphasis on the word TRY) to do so gradually but i think I talk to much and get carried away too easily for that to happen.

Anyways, off to do some job hunting and oh….I just must say this about the one book(s) I loved most in the past year. Its cheesy and I am ashamed I’m so smitten by the book but I am enchanted by the Twilight books! have all four and watched both movies and as cheesy, and ridiculously impossible as the story line is….I have been woed! And you know I’m gonna say it…..I do have a crush on Robert Pattinson, OMG…..ok, he’s a tad too young for me but whatever!

Currently though, I am reading a very old book ‘The diary of Anne Frank’. Heard about it in a movie about the freedom writers in the USA, and I’m quite intrigued by the brilliant mind of this 12 year old.

Right, thats all for now, ttyl!

 

By the 30th September……

Assalamulaykum wa Rahmatullah Wabarakatu.* if you’re a christian, then dont even bother trying to read the arabic texts…you’re just gonna end up twisting your tongue…..lol.

My dear brothers and sisters,

I woke up a couple of days ago to the news that Ramadan, that holy month we all revere is upon us once again. Never mind dat I hadnt finished repaying the ones i missed last year, never mind that i was still busying painting the whole of London red and definitely never mind the fact that I still havent finished my dissertation. Certainly, for someone like myself……the news that ramadan is coming sent goose pimples down my spine. But trust yours truly, i don shake body recover pa pa pa (abi how man for do?).
I do regret not having replaced the days i missed last year but you know,when ramadan finishes….you just take it for granted that you’ve got a whole year to do it and surely within that year…..you must have been inspired to pay it back wont you?….well, for someone like moi….MBA!
I dont eat much o,but i dont like the notion of not being able to eat either. Infact, i can go for hours without eating as long as im busy doing something (constructive or not)…my mind would be off food but just tell me to fast…….wahala will start! Thats when I’ll realise that im feeling cold, I’ve got running nose (something i have all year round anyways) or that i just cannot do without breakfast all of a sudden…..kai….see saitan @ work! If i were to count days that i didnt eat till say….5 pm….i go don repay all my fasts, gba!

Anyways, i beg for Gods forgiveness o, and i’m hoping to do better this year. If i were to rate my ‘Muslimness’ (from fadekemi’s dictionary my friend) on a scale of 10, I’ld probably score myself 3……to be honest! So, lets not overflog this issue of one being religious or not…….i might not be muslim enough by any standards but I do believe very strongly in my faith, I no dey thief, i no dey steal, I no think bad thing towards my neighbour (that doesnt mean that i love u like myself either o) and while i might be mischievous….i’m really not a bad person am i? The koko now sha is that my aim for this year’s Ramadan is to go from a scale of 3/10 to atleast 6/10 (what? its small small now abi?). To achieve a scale of 6/10 therefore, I must have the following qualities by the 30th of this month……
1. Say my 5 daily prayers AT THE APPROPRIATE TIME…..currently, i do express every night, if you dont know what that means….go figure!
2. Start praying my Shafi and Witr again (hope i got the spelling right?…and i used 2 be very good at arabic o…serious!)….i stopped praying those a while back…. have to start again.
3. Read a verse of the Quran everyday..When i was 15, i remember i had a goal to finish the whole Quran before the end of ramadan….needless to say i didnt get past Baqorrah! so this year, im setting a more realistic goal…a little bit of the Quran is good for the soul atleast.
4. Try 2 wear a head scarf for @least 15 days this month……I used to cover my hair before o…..but dont ask me what happened cos i wont answer.
5. Pray my taraweeh this month….this aint gonna be easy as there arent many neighbourhood mosques in London….least of all where i live so im gonna have to really work hard on this one.
6. Try to do lots of Tahajud…..atleast 2 rakahs a day aint bad…..if not for the whole month…i should be able to for atleast 20 days (Insha Allah).
7. Try not to lie…..@ all!!! ok, its not like i lie everytime o….infact,y am i justifying myself to u guys……he/she who doesnt lie should cast the first stone!
8. Would have loved to say…i’ld like to dress more decent but all i have for clothes are jeans….trousers mainly…so maybe i’ll do lots of long tops but this might not really fly sha…..really, cos i hate skirts!
9. Try not to listen to KI NI BIG DEAL every night like i’ve been doing lately…..CLOSE 2 U by MO HITS will also have to go……aaaaarghh…this wont be easy. In short, have to reduce my music intake…kai
10. The most important 1 and possibly the most difficult is to keep off facebook O…..biko please…if u see me on facebook throughout this month for more that 2 hours each day…harass me!!! No facebook for more than 2 hours this month…u guys wouldnt believe how many hours i spend on this darn thing….oops…..thats another one…..
11. No swear words!

Ok, enuff…ah ah…..i don try, hopefully, by the 30th of this month…I’ld have achieved all these and be able to keep doing them for a long time (or not)…but I’ll just keep my fingers crossed sha. In the mean time……what would YOU have achieved by the 30th of September?

Ramadan Kareem.

 

We’ve got more important things to worry about than the olympics, right?

The 2008 olympics is over and i’m missing it already!!! Why? well, for starters, it really helped kill boredom  A LOT!! plus for the first time, I actually watched a wide range of games and got to discover new ones that i did not even realise existed (my coverage of the games were hitherto largely dependent on the areas covered by NTA so dont blame me). It was a pleasure watching history being made by Usain Bolt live on the BBC in both the 200 and 100 metre events, I also discovered a very fascinating event called ‘synchronised swimming’ which to my embarrassment i’m told has been in existence for donkey years now…??? Its such a cool sport!!!! pity i cant swim! I never knew too that canoeing was an olympic sport, i mean??? and darts? shooting? eventing? the most amazing discovery and ofcourse the biggest event for the British was the ‘paledrome’ (dunno if its called cycling as well) but that was cool too…..i could go on and on as i’m sure its obvious i spent lots of time actually watching these stuff (jeez, how jobless can one be uhm?) so the big question is what am i gonna do with my time now? Ofcourse the real question should actually be why the hell i aint doing my dissertation but hey…..thats my business!!! I can chose to graduate or not graduate as i please…..i’m miles away from home…who’s gonna spank me hmm?

Anyways, I digress. I was saying? oh yes, why my darling homeland f…..ed up in Beijing. Did i at any point mention that the track and field events used to be my favourites before i came to the UK? well I think i speak for most Nigerians when i say our favs were the track events, (well, minus soccer ofcourse, we’re suckers for soccer already). One good reason for this would probably be that we were good at it and while i was growing up,that was just about all that NTA would budge to show anyways, so we were pretty much stuck with athletics. I dont know if most Nigerians watch or have any interest in the olympics (i mean come on…peeps aint even had a good meal in days….they’ve got more important things to worry about!) but I’ve always been a big fan. I remember the good old days when Nigerian athletes were real competitors in the games..funny i cant remember the names of those American athletes anymore, i believe Carl Lewis was one of them, Michael Johnson too? but i do remember our Nigerian atheletes though (how can I forget?). I recall jumping up and down our tiny living room when i was what?…12 or something, whenever Mary Onyali (bless that woman) won us a medal. I remember Sunday Bada, Falilat Ogunkoya, Chioma Ajunwa….jeez,just mentioning their names brings back memories mehn, i’m feeling all nonstalgic!!.

Mary Onyali doing her thang....

Now, those were the days. We werent good at too many events but those we were good at…we held our forte. We were always sure of a medal in athletics and football atleast, i think we had a few conquests in high jump too and a few others but atleast, we could boast of a couple of medals? and we werent like at the rock bottom on the medal table like we are today.

I must say that those memories above are all i remember about the olympics in Nigeria,while i was at Uni, i obviously wasnt home and even if i was, i dont think we were making any serious waves on the medal table so no one was paying attention, even me! I dont know what hapenned, i must have somehow lost the interest since we didnt have any shining athletes like we used to but didnt we? Needless to say that being the UK has once again aroused my love for the olympics as its almost duty bound to watch the games and you need to see the joy and hype the athletes get when they get a medal (any medal) in even the most mundane games….and when they dont get medals….they’re still given all the support they need and not castigated.

It broke my heart to watch the olympics this year after looking forward to seeing my naija athletes only to find them struglling to qualify for various events and when they did qualify, they often stood no chance of wining. Is it that we dont have good athletes? I know that can never be true! In a country full of roughly 120 million people, we should atleast be able to find a couple atleast right? surely, there will be a young man somewhere….east,north,south,niger delta…name it who can do the 100 metre race gracefully and not come 8th right? There should be a young lady somewhere who can do the tripple jump right? even the beach ball thingy….by the time we organise a national competition for all those playing the darn thing at Lekki or Alpha beach, surely, we’ll get a team that would have given the Brazilian team a good run for their medals right? And what about volley ball? come on…even my team in high school in Nigeria could step up to the teams i saw at beijing now abi?

Dont get me wrong, by no means am i implying that these games are easy peezy or that the teams/athletes who excelled in them are less deserving of their medals…all i’m saying is, we could have been there, we could have had a chance had we been given the opportunity by our leaders. Those teams didnt just appear their through magic, they were given the chance to do their thing in Beijing because their governments were bothered to get people to scout for them,train them for years and sponsor them to show their talents for the world to see:

That girl in high school in Niger state, Nigeria who can run like the wind, deserves that chance dont you think? That boy who can play tennis and dreams of beating Raphael Nadal someday or breaking Federer’s record deserves that chance too doesnt he? To rub insult upon injury sef, some countries have already bought most our promising atheletes when we refused to appreciate them. Abi how malaysian go dey bear ‘achike’ for name or someone from Qatar wey dey bear Yoruba name? Is it their fault that the our government doesnt really care? and if our leaders dont care shouldnt we as citizens be bothered that the dreams of our generation and those behind us might never be fulfilled? Do we as Nigerians realise that not all youths wanna be doctors or lawyers…yes, these professions are fantastic and highly rewarding but not everyone can be a doctor,infact save for our parents interference,most youths would gladly swap their degrees for the chance to be something else that they wanna be. Having a degree isnt all that matters….but living the dream that you’ve wanted and being happy doing what you do is what gets you fulfilled. We might be amazed about how many kids would rather be the next Usain Bolt or Michael Phelps than have a degree if only they were given the chance…hell, I’ld trade my masters degree to be able to just swim how much more be a synchronised swimmer for my country…that will be the day mehn…that will be the day.

We might make excuses as much as we want about the economic situation in the country and whine about there being no electricity, money,jobs…bla bla bla…but maybe…just maybe…if we pay a little attention to little things like encouraging our youths to train in different sports,arts and stuff, we might just find some solace in the fact that atleast….our youths arent being wasted. Imagine if in almost every event, we had a Nigerian standing on the podium and the Nigerian anthem being played while the flag is hoisted…imagine that!…..imagine, if Nigeria, was the name on the lips of every commentor in Beijing,imagine if the world was standing and staring at Nigerian athletes in Beijing the way i was gaping at Usain Bolt when he broke the 200 metres world record, imagine the press hunting down and running after a Nigerian athlete for his/her photographs, i mean with all these bad publicity we’ve been having, dont you think a little good media attention would help our image? If the government wont do it…we’ve got many corporate bodies who could,but why would they?….oh i forgot, they’re busy raising money for Obama who doesnt need it……or celebrating a Police IG who for the life of me hasnt done jack shit for me! And even if someone did sponsor these people, would we welcome them back after their achievements with open arms or would we have more important things to do than embrace them and honour them for doing us proud. In the Uk, you know, you could get an MBE (one of the most prestigous awards from the queen) for getting a gold medal at the olympics? would we give our athletes a CFR? CON? or all those wetin call national honours that we have.

I’m not bothered sha…are you? I’m just pissed….that I’m a Nigerian youth and i so want to be able to compete for that synchronised swimming, i wanna be able to dance like Bolt did in front of millions of people watching me in awe, I wanna be able to fly the Nigerian Flag at London 2012 and say….I AM THE NUMBER ONE!!!! ….is that too much to ask?

 

The Oppressor or the Oppressed: The Plight of today’s Muslim.

Muslims Protesting outside the Mosque On Bakers Street, London.

By Jill Drew
Washington Post Foreign Service
Tuesday, August 12, 2008; 8:40 AM

 

 

“BEIJING, Aug. 12 — Three security officials were killed at a roadside checkpoint in western China’s Xinjiang region today when at least one assailant jumped off a passing vehicle and stabbed them to death, state media reported. It was the third deadly incident in nine days, coinciding with the opening of the Olympic Games in Beijing”.

Thats a news cliping from one of the many press releases covering the recent wave of violence that has sprung up in China’s Xinjiang province between muslims and the Chinese government. Muslims in China(about 150 milliom strong) are using the media coverage of the olympics to protest against the oppression against muslims living in the country.
Apart from China, there are too many countries all over the world where muslims are currently waging various battles against authorities for survival. AS of this morning, there have been casualties in Georgia, the Philipines, China and we all know about the war in the US on Iraq and Afghanistan against the taliban, not to forget the age long war in Palestine and Lebanon. Yes……Muslims are fighting everywhere. Many of their guerrilla groups are nothing more than a pest to many governments, a constant headache to world powers such as the US and the Uk. Some of the most gruesome attacks on humanity have been committed by islamic extremists in the name of Jihad…..no one is safe from their guns and attacks as innocent women and children have been blown to pieces without so much as a second thought.
What baffles most is the sheer audacity with which they carry out their operations, in the most obvious places where no normal human would dare commit such atrocities.
These people are bold and selfless, they will stop at nothing to proove their point and take their revenge even if it means taking their own lives, surely, these people must be mad right? and surely we shuld all fear all those who claim to believe in this faith that drives its faithfuls to such dreadful acts?
Well, are you?

I have been watching the events around the world with mixed interest and trepidation. You ask why? Its because I am a Muslim. I am a muslim in a world where muslims are feared. AS it stands now, in a typical community anywhere in the world, the moment a bearded man enters a building or comes close to you, you start searching his garments with your eyes for any bulges cos who knows…he just might have an explosive hidden there somewhere. I must confess that even i am a bit terrified of my fellow brothers in the faith because in their quest for justice,they dont care whose axe is gored, muslims die in those attacks as well as christians.
We know Muslims have always been misunderstood anyway, what with the weird laws and dress sense (especially for women) but I guess the deciding factor for most were the September 11 attacks in the US and the 7/7 attcks here in the UK.
You’ll need to see footage of these fateful events to appreciate the true impact thay’ve had on the lives of tose affected. If they cant stand another muslim, i guess its understandable.

My fear though is that if the world is already wary of us even though its still largely restricted to the more radical ones amongst us,it wont take very long before the world will start treating the rest of us as outcasts if we keep our current antics up.
But lets hold on a minute, we Africans say ‘there’s no smoke without fire’ right? Surely the world will be interested in what prompted these people to be so angry and vengeful? I dont know the whole genesis of the problem but i do know that most muslim communities and countries have suffered and are still suffering massive oppression in the hands of various governements. These incidences have been going on for generations but the world wasn’t listening when those people were crying for mercy because they had no voice. Ngozi Adiechie’s phrase…’the world was asleep when we died’ is an apt description of events in those times.
We know where the worlds cncentration of muslims are…..the middle east. Coincidentally, this is also where most of the worlds oil concentration also is so the politics at play isnt too hard to figure. Even islamic countries without oil arent left behind…its either they’re supposed neigbours are plotting to wipe them out to be able to claim their lands or they’re just not allowed to live in peace for one reason or the other. Every human has their own tolerance limit, if you’ve been poking someone for a long time without any fight from the individual for a long time, dont be too smug because when the person does decide to retaliate back….you might not be prepared for the frustration and anger that he/she will unleash on you. I believe this is what is happening to all these muslim ‘radicals’ around the world. If you have any friends that come from the middle east, you would know that they could be the sweetest people on earth, generous and selfless but if you try to play a fast one them or cheat them…you’re asking for trouble.

While i might not be in support of their methods…..i fully agree with some of their reasons. Why cant everyone in the world just live in Unity? why should someone come to my country and try to impose their own culture over mine? why cant i practice my faith wherever i want in the world, even in my own country? why should other people extend their greed and quest for power to other people’s lands? Why should you want what doesnt belong to your country? why do people just hate one another because they dont share the same faith?

Muslims on their way to the Chinese Embassy in London.

No One in the world regardless of race or religion should ever have to suffer oppression from fellow humans who are mere mortals like he/she is. Why cant christians in China practice their faith because the governement is atheist?We are all equal in the eyes of God, and if we’re all so worried about what God says or didnt say, try to imagine what he’s thinking about what’s going on everywhere……i seriously think he wont be happy with any of us cos we’re all guilty in one little way or the other.

 

 

Not all muslims are terrorists or radicals and not all christians oppress muslims so why should innocent people have to suffer for other people’s crimes? While these extremists are greatly flawed in their quest for revenge, I think all they’re really seeking is for the world to listen to them, for the world to understand the politics that people play with human lives, for the world to also weep like they have wept for their own innocent women and children, for the world to shudder like they have shuddered from foreign invasion. It is human nature for humans to seek revenge against those who have wronged us but my people……is revenge not for God? In our struggle for Jihad, let us leave not any reason for the world to label us as anything but peace loving people. Let everyone in the world express their faith or lack of it in whatever way they want to…it is a free world, lets not oppress one another because it would only be the end of us.
God is more than capable of fighting His own battles, lets not make this an excuse to wipe each other out.

 

The controversial ‘A’ Word

Its appalling to know that 2 % of women between the ages of 15-40 will have an abortion this year in the US alone. I believe in the UK, the percentage is even higher but atleast,the good news in these countries is that the percentage of abortions per year has significantly reduced over the years….the secret they say is the legalisation of the highly controversial process.

In Africa, where most countries are still largely classified as developing or even underdeveloped, the rate of abortions is unbeleivably high but this is not what you would find in most statistics worldwide. While searching for statistics on abortions in Africa, I only came across figures for a number of countries,mostly in south Africa. In a country like Nigeria, the figures i recall seeing cannot possibly be true…you ask why? this is because the figures recorded by international observers are those recorded by the few most likely private hospitals who admitted to having carried aout n abortion. The truth is….in most countries in Africa, abortion is illegal. In Nigeria, a country with a large percentage of religious citizens, its not just illegal, it is a sin against humanity, against God, the holy church and even against our cultural beliefs….in short…its a taboo, ‘it is that which must not be spoken of’, but who are we kidding?

If truth be told in Nigeria..atleast, 1 in every 10 female aged between 16-40 have had an abortion once, and 20 % of these population have done it twice…You might be wondering how everyone goes about it since its illegal, well there’s this popular saying in Nigeria…’know your way no be job’ (meaning..you have to be smart to get things done if not the right way…then some other way).

Virtually anyone can perform and abortion in Nigeria, from the guy at the chemist who doesnt even have a pharmaceutical qualification talk less of a surgical one to quack doctors who exist in every nook and crany of the less affluent areas of the cities, doctors in private hospitals who carry out the procedure for quick cash are not left behind in the extravaganza not to mention the ladies themselves who out of desperation or lack of funds take matters into their own hands by using the crudest of methods…from cloth hangers to poisonous concoctions of laundry bleach and/or potassium chloride…..sound gruesome? welcome to reality.

Lets back pedal a bit to the genesis of the whole problem….’the cause’. I’m a firm believer in the saying “prevention is better than cure”. Does it really have to happen? I’ll try to be objective here. In the search to finding out what would prompt a man and a woman to have casual sex when in most cases they’re fully aware of the circumstaces (what with HIV/AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases around), I gleamed a couple of answers from people male and female alike (I tell you it was no small feat…who’s gonna actually tell you they had an abortion or casual sex?) so using highly specialised methods of gossiping,backbitting, pock nosing (oyinbo name for gbeborun)….I found out from women who’ve been there and done that a few interesting things. As i’ve pointed out in previous posts, most women would only do engage in casual sex out of:

1. Igonorance

2. Love for their partners

3. Plain stupidity

4. Temporary gratification (lost in the moment)

5. for the sake of adventure

Ofcourse there would be more reasons and in some cases…a mixture of them but what seems most baffling is the fact that the guys seem always be the ones to intiate the idea in the first place and women being as gullible as we are, we buy into it and do it for reasons best known to us. Now lets take a look at what happens when the chic realises that she’s missed her period. To illustrate this, I’ll paint two scenarios (that actually happened to real people) so maybe you’ll understand the full gravity of what we’re saying here.

My first girl is in her 3rd year in uni, been good most of her life but recently became sexually active,loves her boyfriend to pieces and would do practically anything to proove it. She comes from a very strict background with strong religious influence. When a girl first realises that her period is late…the first impulse is panic. Then she tells herself she’s just fretting over nothing….cos sometimes these things happen. The stronger ones might not even inform mr man until a while; after they’re absolutey sure of they’re condition. Anyways, our girl starts getting worried after the second day..informs mr man who’s also a student by the way and they start panicking together (maybe even him more than her….she was lucky). She’s afraid to go for a test cos of wat she might find out but he wants to her to have one quick so they’ll know what to do next (see the diffence in thinking?). He eventually convinces her to go the hospital for a test and though she willed the nurse with the test tube to come back and say it turned out negative….she was pregnant. She was crushed and all she could think about was why it had to happen to her,other people have been doing it havent they?…she’s only had one boyfriend and she hadnt been promiscous…..just reckless. She never really had views on abortion but her religious doctrine was strongly against it so she tried to brace herslef to imagine how she would brake the news to her military styled father (trust that was not a pretty sight!) while battling with her demons…mr man was already calculating how much was left of his pocket money to be able to foot the bill. He knew how muh it cost because a friend had borrowed some cash from him recently to fund his girfriend’s abortion (infact…the friend recommended said hospital) mr man had no doubts watsoever…..they had to have an abortion.

Well, luckily for them, the Dr was a woman and was actually quite motherly abt the whole thing. This young lady had the D n C done that very day against her better judgement (but did she really have a choice? it was either that or face the colonel) and as she was wheeled in…all she could think about was all the gory stories she’d heard in college and movies about girls who died from complications during abortions gone bad. She tried to pray but in her circumstances…that seemed hardly logical (funny). The process was painful and excruciating and even while she narrated her ordeal to me….she was crying and i cried as well….for the baby she lost and for her sanity cos since then..she’s never forgotten that experience and she believes its a memory that will live with her for the rest of her life. But she was lucky……

My next narrator is a different ball game. She and mr boyfriend had casual sex in the heat of the moment just before boyfriend travelled for a business meeting outside their state of residence. 2 weeks later, periods missing. She calls mr…and he says not to panic…it’ll come but she is the really panicky type so to take precautions…she goes to a chemist and though it took all her courage…she asked for a drug (which she learnt from her friend was atleast 60 % effective in the first few weeks cos she’s used it) (Funny to know that the first people we run to when in trouble are friends who are probably just as ignorant). Anyways, she gets a mixture of drugs i believe….and after being given a dirty look by the woman in charge…she got her purchase, without directions or a prescription. After using the combinations diligently for two days….nothing happened. She even overdosed cos she was getting frantic and all this while she was alone…boyfriend was miles away and was calm about it all….just be patient he kept telling her. When the drugs didnt work….boyfriend started gettig worried as well..so he told her point blank….”i aint ready for no baby yet so you’re gonna have to find somewhre to have an abortion”. She was shattered, hurt and angry…..where would she find such a place(its not like there’s some yellow pages for such things) so she told him that she’ld rather wait for him to return and then he can go n find a hopsital to do it by himself. They had strings of fights over the phone which usually ended up with her in tears….tears of self pity, degradation,hopelessness,helplessness and guilt.

She eventually sought the help of another pharmacist (not sure if he was qualified as well but he ran a chemist nearby) who told her he knew a doctor friend who could help. They made an appointement for the next evening and with her heart in her throat and a feeling of trepidation..she goes to meet said doctor. Well, doctor turned out to be yet another chemist who’s surgery was just behind the drug counter(he’s office)…you still wondering where the surgery table/bed was? His very own wooden desk where he did all his paper work. When she was ushered in….she looked from one man to the other and thought..you have to be joking! she might not be too learned but atleast she knew there were dangers associated with having an abortion with quacks and she had genuinely expected a real doctor. She stood there with tears in her face and realised that it was either she took this risk or face having to find someone else who’ld be willing to do it plus the price was quite cheap (all her money). So, thats how it was that she got an abortion done on an office desk at the back of a pharmacy.

These kind of stories happen everyday around Africa…..some even worse and it must stop. Youths need to stop engaging in casual sex because the consequences are always far reaching and the scars left afterwards, could be sometimes damning. Now, some people are advocating for legalisation of abortion in Nigeria…..I dont know if I am for or against this for religious reasons but if we’re to be objective…..then we’ll know that we should provide a good system in place for women who still fall prey to their own helplessness and atleast allow them do it safely but will that not encourage promiscuity?

I have no answers to the questions posed above but i do know that i am tired of writing right now as you most probably would be tired of reading so all i can say is that lets work on prevention first and hopefully,the rest will take care of itself….

gotta go to bed…..phew!

 

Life at 25!

 

Welcome to the month of august…well, its almost half way gone now but better late than never right?

Yours truly will be 25 on the 18^th of this month and is planning to have a big one if I might call it that. There’s something I do every year, and that’s taking stock of all I’ve done that year, what I’d hoped to do, where I’ve gone wrong and what I wanna do better. I must say that my dreams for 25 were quite different when I was younger, for example; I’m supposed to have been married for a year now, should have my twins (boy and girl) by now and should also have a solid job too, none of which I’ve done, so I refuse to take stock this year. Instead, I want to look at what I’ve been able to achieve instead (abi?).

I might not be married but at least, I’m not divorced either (dry joke eh eh eh)

I might not have a job but I’ve got my masters degree which is no small feat at 25 (ask me and I’ll tell you about it)

As for my twins….they’ll come when Mr Husband comes along…for now, I’m content to wait (hmm…like I have a choice).

I started my blog (something I should have done for years)…..ah…my own personal space in the atmosphere where I can fully express myself and be as crazy as I want without being judged…which is turning to be a truly amazing experience.

The high point of the year for me though was my journey of self discovery. It took me a while but at 25, I’ve finally discovered why I am here and what I want to do with myself. For those of you who know me in person, you already know that I and charities are inseparable. You’ll also know that I might bite your head off if you say anything negative about my country (things might not be too good over there, but we’re the only ones that are allowed to diss each other, got it?). Dissin women is also not a good thing to do in my presence so you might wanna take note (if u can be bothered).

 I do intend to work and get paid (obviously, man must chop now!) but my main dream is to be able to reach out to people in need, people who are not as privileged as most of us, help them, inspire them and give them a reason to smile. For me, its not just about raising money, its about relating to others at the deepest level, its about knowing where the shoe hurts and doing whatever it takes to ease the pain. I’m not sure how I’ll go about it right now, but it’s a most that it be done, if not by me, then hopefully by others who have been inspired like I have by the pain and suffering of fellow human beings who out of no fault of theirs (yes, we know that there are some lazy dodo’s but I mean the genuinely helpless ones), have lost all hope of having a normal life, you might say its their destiny and I might agree but I’ll also say that its our destiny to be able to help them. While we might not be able to put an end to their misery, we can do a lot to make life just a tad bit easier for them.

I’ll share a dream with you. It’s a dream for my country which many call a crippled giant. It’s a land of plenty but many still die of starvation. It’s a land that has got soo much potential to be much more than it is but for reasons I won’t talk about today, things are the way they are right now.

 I dream of a Nigeria where indigenes don’t run away from their own home in search of greener pastures for the land is already green

I dream of a Nigeria where every child has a right to education

I dream of a Nigeria where everyone is treated with equality and respect regardless of his/her ethnic group or religion

I dream of a Nigeria truly united in love and trust

I dream of a Nigeria where youths have the ability and resources to be who they want to be

I dream of a Nigeria where citizens can take basic amenities for granted

I dream of a Nigeria with leaders with a vision and genuine passion for prosperity

But most importantly, I dream of a Nigeria where NEPA/PHCN works!!!!! (Please I cant stand not having electricity).

Not to bore you any further, cos I didn’t intend to write this much. I’ll go back to the main topic at hand…my birthday. 25 is a big one, and I intend to celebrate it in a big way but I couldn’t do it without all you my people…(yep, the sikes have begun…lol.)

Every year, I celebrate my birthdays with a lil bit of pomp and gaiety, u know we Leos like to make noise…its in our nature. But this year’s gonna be different. Instead of spending all that money on a bash that all of us can actually do without, I’m gonna save everyone the trouble by making our lives easier. There will be no birthday bash this year…there will be celebrations though…just no big party. For those of you who owe me a birthday gift (you know yourselves), I’d like to state what my wishes are for this year so you don’t end up buying what I don’t need. So, here’s what I’d like for my birthday

NOTHING!!!

What I would like for you to do instead on my behalf is to support two amazing charities in Nigeria that I have pledged my support for. ‘THESE GENES’ and ‘The support an orphan project’. THESE GENES is a project by Tosyn Bucknor to raise funds for persons suffering from sickle cell anaemia, we all know what the disease is but this amazing lady has helped put a face to what those who’ve got the condition go through in their struggle. If you know anyone who’s got it then maybe you’ll understand better. I lost a friend to the disease early this year and I still cry anytime I remember him because he was such a promising fellow and so full of life…what hurts most: I never got to say goodbye, all it took was one bad crisis and he was gone. I never want to loose anyone like that again so I’m earnestly praying that a cure be found ASAP.

The support an orphan project on the other hand is an event organised by Usman Imanah of ‘Development report magazine’. A magazine that show cases non governmental organisations in Nigeria and the amazing works done by charities. This particular event will take place on the 9^th of August (great things are happening this month, don’t you think?) and people are encouraged to visit an orphanage bearing gifts for the social workers and the children themselves. I wish I was in Nigeria so I’ld be able to attend but since I wont be there in person, helping to raise funds is the only way to show my support for these wonderful children.

For details on how you can support any of these charities (as my birthday present of course…lol) please get in touch with me……I’ll only give u my number if I’m sure your really gonna support these charities……..(yes I’m wicked n I know). I’ll come over to wherever you are ..yea, I’m willing to do that, so I’ll collect your donations in person. I’ll also be giving a lil something out to say ‘thank you’ to all those who will be so kind enough to donate.

 I’ll also be giving out what I call ‘goody bags’ where you can give donations in kind, books especially are welcome, clothes, shoes and accessories aint bad either……and I’ll worry abt how it gets to Nigeria.

Another alternative for those of you whom I still owe dates for one reason or the other…you can ‘dine with fade’ for 4 hours at any restaurant of your choice but the catch is that you pledge a donation to these charities (yes, I’m crazy too n I know…lol).

So thank you very much  for taking time out to read this…but please remember though that its not about me or my birthday, but about being human, and being willing and able to do something positive to change someone’s life.

Have a merry August!

 

Not so Kwaran….

Saturday the 26th of July was the  launch of ‘KWASANG’ in the UK and Southern Ireland. For those who dont know what that means…i’m not sure myself but i think it should be something like the kwara state association of Nigeria…we Nigerians just love long titles! To elaborate further, Kwara  is one of the states in Nigeria, it also happens to be where I’m from. Its serene, neat and home to one of the toughest and most dirty forms of politics in the country. It also happens to be where i spent the better part of my adolescence…I had sooooo much fun there!!! So thats my mini intro…i’ll tell you more later.

Anyways, saturday was a busy and happy day for Kwarans in London, I actually thought it was gonna be some casual event or something but to my surprise, it turned out to be a really big ceremony and well attended too. The Holiday inn at Russel Square was the place to be and the day began with a business workshop which was well organised and had an impressive turn out. It also provided a good platform for kwarans both home and abroad to network and share ideas on business opportunities within the state which i think was a very good initiative. The main event which was the unveling of the association was billed for the evening after the workshop and was formally launched by the governor; Dr Bukola saraki who came with most of the senior members of his cabinet and reprsentatives of each local government in the state. I dont know if all that was really necessary but thats what we call ‘ifa’ in Nigeria (meaning; free things or trips). While i’m all for the launching of the association, I’m not entirely sure that it was necessary for all the commisioners and other members of the government to have made the trip. Tickets cost money for Gods sake, not to mention the costs of their 3 or 2 day stay at the hotel….money that could have been used to fund some projects in the not so developed areas of the state (i know my own town could use some of that money for water, education and electricity!!!). Not to be selfish now, other towns as well could have benefitted from those funds instead of using it to sponsor some individuals whose impact i couldnt fathom throughout the event, except that they were able to visit London at the expense of tax payers. You know all these Ilorin women/ you can never miss them anywhere in the world! I dont even know how they got on the plane…..with their big head scarves over their head ties and their lousy voices. Damn, it was annoying watching them…..they seemed so out of place,nosying about, doing nothing worthwhile and for a moment when some of the guests who were not kwarans made the observation and likened it to our notorious trademarks back at home…..i was almost tempted to say i wasn’t from Kwara when someone asked if i was.

To be honest, I’ve been tempted a lot of times over the years to deny my state but my pride and sense of patritotism wont let me…first, it might sound silly but i dont like the sound of the name ‘kwara’…i mean who thought of that??? when there are funky names like Osun or even Ogun  atleast, those have meanings (i love Ogun state by the way) they are such lively people!. Then, I totally hate the name of my town ‘Omupo’(more like village cos its sooooo small, probably because its indigenes have refused to go back home), i mean??? for Gods sake, It doesnt even have a meaning…and what does kwara mean as well? So you can imagine my dilemma when i’m asked which state i’m from and i have to go oh…kwara….(with a lot of enthusiasm) and then…the most dreaded question…where in Kwara? (why are people so nosy?) then i go…Omupo….the response is always the same……a loud resounding WHAT? most times..the really forward ones would probably answer the question themselves anyway by assuming that everyone from kwara is from Ilorin or Offa (the two most popular towns in the state), so i just let them…..When i become a senator or something representing my state (syking myself abeg), first thing I’ll do is change the name of my dear town to something more …i dont know…something you can call and identify with and be proud of….and then a total rebranding of our image…first things first…education…oh, that luxury that so eludes my people! I’ve got big dreams for my town o…but this is neither the time nor place to express it.

Anyways, saturday’s event wouldnt have been complete without the usual melodrama that accompanies Nigerian events….It started 3 good hours behind schedule (in their defence, the hotel didnt prepare the hall early enough), the hall wasn’t big enough to accomodate all the guests (probably due to a phenomenon we call…’mo gbo mo ya’ in Nigeria, where guests show up at an event un-invited), the ilorin women true to form harrased the poor hostesses (one of which i was) over take away packs that they themselves brought from Nigeria for indigenes living in london (Ilorin women/Kwara women are always after take aways at any event. you can easily see them shoving food and whatever else they can get into black carrier bags and fighting over left overs if they have to. This is mainly amongst the un-educated old women though).

We appreciate the take away packs (mostly consisting of a CD briefly explaining the various projects the government has been doing, a T-shirt i doubt most people will fit in cos its too big, a 2008 calender (u kiddin?…its July already!), some magazines etc etc. Honestly, all that was just a waste…..no one’s gonna wear the t-shirt in London, i tried to watch the CD but with 5 year olds in the house…that was impossible plus all i saw were some people praising the administration’s effort (probably members of the government)…what else is new? I think..all the current happenings could have been covered in the workshop and/or formed part of some speech made by the governor….all the money wasting is just a part of us and it really must stop…..we need this money for more important things……teachers salaries for instance…i think all teachers in state schools are grossly underpaid. When i was still in Ilorin, there was not one area that had pipeborne water ( we were lucky enough at the uni to be blessed with it for a few hours everyday!), I think the roads are good…but i’m sure a little maintenance wont hurt…last i remember, the stadium was a state…..i hope something has been done about that….most importantly though……i still think there’s a lot of work to be done in those villages and towns that have probably been forgotten…..they deserve a life too.

All in all, I do love my state (ugly name and all its issues)…its a lovely place to live…the weather’s fantastic….cold at the appropriate time of the year and just hot enough(ok maybe a tad too hot sometimes) but its still amazing…..things aren’t too expensive, there isn’t the usual hustle and bustle of Lagos and its the perfect place to relax and have the best fun in the world. I remember i used to love sitting by the waterfront at a place called ‘waterview’, reading or having a drink with friends, i remember being able to flag a cabbie wherever whenever (something that cant happen in lagos), i remember the ‘pomo’ with the very hot chilli sauce at the museum (there was nothing else to do at that place…they really should think of developing tourism in the state you know), the cold harmattan nights and the gentle breeze that accompanies it, the long stretch of road that is taiwo road where we used to do most of our shopping, I remember challenge and how we used to rush for buses to uni (gee, suffer head), I like to think of kwara as my own little Seattle!…dont ask me why.

 

why do we care?

Have you seen Private practice? oh man, its the best thing since Grey’s anatomy!!!-dont ask me how come i always have time to watch tv so much, im still not in the mood to get serious with my dissertation so i feed my addiction instead….TV!!! I tell you, its better than some other things….Like i was saying, private practice happens to be some kind of spin off from Grey’s anatomy- which i still miss by the way. Its got only Montgomery in there though..lots of new faces and my God…Taye Diggs!!!!. He just looks better and better everyday doesnt he?

Quick run through….Taye and wife run a practice together in L.A apparently and they recently just got divorced. In this episode…one of Taye’s fellow doctor partner arranges for a stripper to entertain him as some form of surprise to spruce up his boring life. Wife gets wind of it and goes bunkers. The juicy bit is that she claims that she’s not bothered about him dating again but the first woman he’ll date (like she has any say in the matter), must be better than her and not some random rashed skin stripper!

Forget private practice for a sec, remember when you were still in uni and how you always wanted so badly to catch a glimpse of whomever your ex was dating after they dumped you or vice versa? Its the exact same thing. I remember my first boyfriend in uni, we weren’t even all that, i mean, we were always fighting and it just didn’t make any sense so i broke up with him. Even though i wasn’t in love with him anymore, i was always interested in whoever he was seen with, desperately hoping she wasn’t as pretty as me, and wishing she had body odour or something ridiculous. It was crazy, I got so ticked each time i bring up the issue expecting (even my friends) to find a fault…anything wrong with her which they sometimes did (probably out of loyalty to me)but usually everyone just says…..’oh, she’s alright’, ‘she’s quite nice actually’, ‘oh, she can do this or that’. Is it just me or is everyone like that? I remember a couple of myfriends too were just the same, one of my friends never stopped complaining about her ex’s new girlfriend, she found everything wrong with the poor girl…it was pathetic!

We keep saying we dont mind whomever our ex dates as long as they’re better than us but bullshit……I said that,and i knew that in my heart of hearts, i realy wanted him to feel miserable about who they dated after me, to keep comparing them to me and think oh i made a terrible mistake…i shouldn’t have let her go…if she’s prettier than me or even better than i am in other things….man, keep that news away from me ok?

Seriously though, why should i care that much if i’m no longer emotionally attached to that person, why cant i just wish the poor guy well and hope he’s happy with his new partner? Thats the way it should be right? I guess its only difficult if you’re still in love with the ex in question….remember Ross and Rachael in friends….God i love those two!!!! Each time one of them had a prospective liason, they went all over themselves to sabotage the union-especially Rachael…but she remained adamant that she wasn’t interested in dating him anymore…yeah rite! And their was Miranda and Steve in sex n the city, you should have seen those two when they were introducing each others partners….they were so stupid trying to play their partners up and showing that they’ve made a better choice this time. 

I really dont care anymore actually (unless, im still in love with him), i couldnt be bothered if any of my ex’s dated a stripper or a bank manager…if he’s happy…then good for him and if he’s not…then he was dumb to have let me go and has probably not learned his lesson.

Done with this….gotta go watch Robin of Sherwood (havent seen that soap in ages!!!)… 

 

One of those days……

Today will go down in history as the first time i blogged twice in a day! or is it? my memory is porous these days and im not even 40 yet! I’m just feeling all weird and mushy mushy today…dont know why. It might have something to do with the fact that i’m bored stiff and my day didnt go the way i had imagined it would, hmmm, my imagination…. that is the root of my problems by the way. I have the craziest imagination and i fantasize about anything under the sun, realistic or otherwise, I’ve dreamed up like 50 different versions of my own wedding and honeymoon, in different countries and with different grooms too, I’ve fantasized about my children like a million times (i’m not even married for Gods sake, isn’t that like jumping the gun?), first, I used to imagine that i had 6, that was when i was in my teens, then i grew up and realised that there was economic depression around the world so i chucked that dream for 4 children. That fantasy has undergone a lot of metamorphosis and right now it stands at 3, though, im still oscillating between having a girl first or a boy or twins! Then, I used to fantasize about marrying a black American (when i was just 13!), then i changed it for a famous artist, and then i became a music diva myself…………….oh God, enuff of this madness, I’ll elaborate on that someother time. 

If i had any brains at all, which i like to think i do…i would be working on my dissertation. Ah…..my dissertation! Sometimes i fear i might never finish the darn thing, i seem to have just lost interest in all things academic all of a sudden and to think i actually wanna do a Ph.D (yeah rite) but i will believe me, not because i love to study and research or anything(im too lazy for that, only do it when i have to and i’m darn good at it too), I just really love having that pre-fix attached to my name……what? everyone’s got their reasons…atleast i’m being honest. Besides, i’ve always wanted to be a doctor atleast until i discovered what being a medical doctor entailed (try going into the med lab and you’ll understand), I haven’t got that kind of gumption man, I cant even stand the site of blood so how the hell am i supposed to actually cut someone open? hell, i couldnt even dissect a rat when i had practicals for my first degree! Honestly, I’ve got great respect for medical doctors, those guys are just amazing…so thank God for Ph.D’s, i can still be a doctor without being a doctor!!!!! cool.

What was i saying before i digressed? oh yea, its one of days when everything just feels empty, woke up feeling that way actually, and even though i tried to spruce things up earlier on…i’m still back to square one. I even did the most mundane things just so i wont feel bored…went to uncle’s and spent 3 hrs instead of 30 mins ( i would never have done that on a good day), and it dint turn out so bad actually, afterwards, went to register for my volunteering (you should do that as well), after which i called up a girlfriend (dint think i still had any left) who wanted me to accompany her to go shopping (hell no! would never have obliged of i was in my right frame of mind, i hate walking about with people who cant make up their minds), that turned out brilliant as well, funny enough.Looks like my day wasn’t that bad afterall…..now i feel stupid.

On reflection, i actually had a good by any standards, maybe i just feel lousy cos it didn’t turn out the way i wanted. God, when am i gonna change? this habit of letting my emotions get the better of me isn’t gonna cut it for God’s sake. What am i bugged about?

ok, something didnt quite work out the way i was hoping it would (sure uv guessed it’s about the opposite sex by now haven’t you) oh sh&**”t…..to think i pride myself on not being affected by these sort of things anymore….i thought i had grown, and was above all these wishy washy stuff by now…common girl (i really need to syke myself up, whoelse will?). But i’ve let myself  slip lately, I’ve allowed my heart to get over my brain….i’ve let all these crap that people feed me get into my head and crowd my sense of reasoning (might have something to do with my dad visiting recently) not that my dad says crap but maybe he just fueled it.

Yes, i got a few prospects and it was going great, and then bang! i get sentimental….like i always do and start making a mountain out of a mole hill, i get ahead of myself and assume i know everything,planningand imagining things that havent even happened yet and never might anyways (probably why my relationships dont last) and now i dont know if i’m comin or going….i should really learn to shut my trap sometimes…but that wont be necessary if the fellas did some talking…all these being the life of the party is wearing me out! Now i need to get back to my dissertation but i cant cos im messed up…jeez, i hate it when guys get to me like this, especially when i’m not even sure its worth it or when i know for sure that the buggers are not even bothered at this very moment and are probably enjoying every bit of their time while im here being miserable (not that its their fault, they dont even know whats going on in my mind!). Now i’ve got to hold on to my pride…its sometimes my undoing but damn if im gonna let anyone know that im being silly and ridiculous for no good reason(except you guys ofcourse)……..really its no good reason, i’m just torturing myself for no reason at all…..I only hope that i haven’t messed everything up….this might have been good…honest…but who cares? if he can’t see that, then good riddance!

 

Once upon a love….

This  post is dedicated to my ex-boyfriend, Tayo with whom i can say without any shred of doubt that i shared something close to love with. I’ve had quite a bit of luck in just about everything else in my life except ofcourse in love. Have you ever been in love? wont blame you if you havent, considering that these are hard times for romance. I think its only a lucky few who ever get to feel true love, infact, to be honest, i’m not even sure anyone knows what true love means and it probably means different things to different people. To me, its being loved in return as much as i love, its being cared for, its being able to look at someone across the room and feel my heart flutter just knowing that he’s mine, its being able to trust that no matter what happens, he’s never gonna cheat on me, its being proud of who and what he is, its knowing that apart from God, there’s someone else that i can count on to be there, its becoming a part of someone but still being able to be myself, but above all, its being given a chance to show just how much love i’ve got in me and being allowed to shower it on someone, is that asking for too much? i guess for some people, it is. It might sound humanly impossible to find such a person and feel the way i just described but from i’ve learnt, lots of people regardless of race, ethinicity,gender or age… all want these things to some degree so what baffles me is why we cant find it. Have people lost faith in love? I know I have….yes i know it sounds pessimistic, but when you’ve been where i’ve been with relationships….you’re bound to start losing hope at some point and the fact that i’m pessimistic by nature obviously doesn’t help either.

I’ve had a number of men in my life (forget that i’m only 25) and out of all of them….roughly 5..i’ve only ever really been happy with one of them! I’m not laying blames here cos i’ve had my own faults (thats gist for another day) but Tayo……….Tayo and i hit it off straight from the begining! He’s gonna go bunkers if he ever sees this but i already told him once, that if i ever wrote my biography, a large chunk of it would be dedicated to him. We’re no longer together and we have our little skirmishes from time to time but i know one thing for sure….i might never find that kinda love again. some of our friends think i’m still in love with him and the way i’ve been going on here, you’ve probably started thinking the same, well, I am not…..not anymore…..whatever i felt for him years ago, i had to kill to be able to move on, continuing to love him would have been detrimental to both our future because tayo was one that i could never have (Q: why do we always want that which we cannot have?). Anyways, i guess this is my own way of saying;

thank you for loving me unconditionally,

thank you for loving me even though we come from totally different worlds (he’s christian and i’m a muslim, which is why we eventually had to part ways….yeah, in my part of the world, such things count…..A LOT!),

Thank you for giving me a chance to be myself even if sometimes you weren’t ok with it,

Thank you for letting me love you,

Thank you for making me feel like a billion dollars ( i was quite the envy of my friends),

Thanks for reminding me everyday how much you loved me;not just by saying it but by showing it in subtle ways,

Thank you for making me smile always even when i was unhappy,

Thanks for giving me the chance to love unconditionally with reckless abandon,

Thanks for being selfless and for caring so much,

Thanks for always going the extra mile to make sure i was ok even when i was being a pain in the ass,

Thanks for putting up with all my imperfections,

Thank you for standing by me unfailingly when i needed you most…..oh….i could go on but i’ll never finish. I’ve tried to thank you in person several times but being who i am (believe it or not,i suck when it comes to expressing my emotions to loved ones), I never told you enough.

I knew from the first time i met you that you were different and regardless of all the obstacles in our way, we made it work…yes we did. Thanks for proving to me that i had the capacity to love so dearly……and even though we cant be together (i know you still think we can, I was always the more practical one, remember?)I’ll always carry your memory with me (not difficult since we talk almost everyday!)…Ok, i need to ask….is it bad to still talk to your ex when he’s got a girlfriend? i mean, we talk about everything (wink), is that like cheating on her? nah, i dont think so……i havent got any designs on him, or anything, i want him to be happy and i’ll do all that i can to make sure that he is, serious!

I dont regret that we parted ways, it was the right decision at the time and we took it together even though it hurt like hell and i cried like there was no tomorrow. Its been 3 years now, and i still remember every single detail, not because i havent moved on but because i’ve moved on and i still havent found anything like what we had…maybe i’ve been making unfair comparisons, but when you’ve experienced something close to perfection, you’ll never settle for less (which i have settled for a couple of times anyways…….what? i was being openminded). I wish you the best life could possibly offer because you deserve all the happiness in the world and i do pray….oh Lord, i PRAY…..that i find something remotely close(not even better…..jeez…..these are really hard times isnt it?) to what we had….i know i should remain positive and optimistic (but who am i kiddin? i’m running out of optimism here) but if i never find that kind of love again, then i’ld rather be alone and cherish those memories when once upon a time…….i actually loved and was loved in return!